My work comprises of introspective self-portraits, influenced by my experience living with PMDD. Expressive marks are placed amongst carefully rendered facial features to evoke an atmosphere of conflict within the mind, representing the work's psychological context.
These self-portraits are created in a way which distances me from their final outcome, documenting the feeling of ‘otherness’. This term of ‘otherness’ takes root from research during the writing of my dissertation: ‘The Mirror Between’ Psychoanalysis, the Viewer and Self-Portraiture. Here I heavily explored the topic of conscious, versus subconscious intent, drawing to the conclusion that:
“A work of art is essentially the internal made external, resulting from a creative process… embodying the combined product of the (artist’s) perceptions, thoughts and feelings” (Abrams, 1953 p.22, in Spitz, 1985, p.29).
Thus all creative acts, any mark made, is directly connected to the artist’s psyche, made up of thoughts that we consciously know, and those in our subconscious, which can be impacted by childhood, living environments, and an infinite number of external or internal factors. My process of creation leads me to constantly question the presence I hold in the marks that I intend, compared to those that form accidentally. Such ‘accidents’ a psychoanalytic approach would say, can be attributed to my subconscious manifesting itself on the canvas.
First, dark expressive marks are applied across the canvas, but the portrait is painted on the clean reverse. What happens next is an amalgamation of choice and chance. I choose to paint with diluted paint, allowing it to bleed through the material to find and spill into the first dark marks. However, it is out of my control how the portrait reveals itself; how much resemblance will bleed through. This process is therapeutic, a way to claim ownership over my thoughts and feelings, whilst rejecting those that are out of my control.
The final image is a mirrored reflection of a self-portrait, it is as different as it is the same to its original counterpart.
“That Fog is like a cage without a key”.
Elizabeth Wurtzel, The Prozac Nation.
“I thought (someone) would notice the change in me, that anybody with half an eye would see”.
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar.
